Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Thankfully, our bathroom is on the larger side, and there is plenty of room for improvement. Here is what I shared with everyone, it was our current situation...
Horrible right? All of my porch plants ended up in there for the winter, that litter box is there, unpacked bathroom boxes, and one crappy little vanity cabinet that we don't even use the drawers because it is basically falling apart.
Shortly after that post, my great aunt contacted me. She was getting ready to redo her bathroom, and had a double vanity she was pulling out and had no use for, so she offered it. She sent me this picture and a measurement...85 inches long.
Sold! We had just enough space before we ran into the toilet on our bathroom wall, and just look at all the storage space! 6 drawers for 6 people. I quickly started a spreadsheet to figure out costs, knowing we would have to do little bits at a time.
Last week she messaged me to say it was out, so on Friday we drove over and picked it up. Over the weekend Luke sanded the cabinets and drawers, primed them, and painted them. I dug through my stash of cabinet hardware from my days of working at Lowe's and found 6 handles for the drawers. While everyone was enjoying the Superbowl, we pulled out our crappy vanity and installed the new one!
So pretty right? Sure we still need to do the doors, and figure out how to organize in the cabinets, and of course new lighting, more plumbing, another faucet, mirrors, the list goes on, but the important part is that we can at least start unpacking the bathroom boxes a little more. The girls are super excited to have their own drawer. And check out my Aloe plant, apparently I can keep those alive!
My next small projects for the bathroom are the doors, a few small shelves, and potentially the mirrors.
The next large project (more budget than anything) is another faucet. We don't want the faucet to get discontinued before we have a chance to get another one, and it's $89. We replaced the faucet when we moved in, so it's fairly new and still a current model for now.
I'm not sure what to do with the litter box. Right now the big black shelf is sitting in the living room. The plants will go back to the porch once the weather warms up, but the cats are a mystery right now. I'll get it figured out.
Wall Color: SW6487 Cloudburst
Vanity Color: SW0055 Light French Gray
Faucet: Moen Caldwell Mediterranean Bronze
Thursday, February 2, 2017
My goal was for her to make it to her birthday on December 17th, then to Christmas. Once we realized she wasn't going to be around much longer, she seemed to decline at a rapid pace.
It's been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster since then. I try to keep myself busy by writing, or going over the budget, or starting on a project. I will sit at my computer for hours fiddling with my Excel sheet on our finances, tweaking things, just so I'm not sitting here lost in thought. Still, I have moments that I stray, and the tears come.
It's been 10 weeks that I have cried EVERY SINGLE DAY! 70 days. Every day from Thanksgiving on. Every day of 2017.
I've stopped eating so much. We are a family of grazers. We snack all day long. I just don't feel like eating now. I've actually lost 6 pounds! For someone whose weight hasn't fluctuated in 5 years except for that one time I tried to count calories and get healthy, that's saying something.
I've practically lived in a flannel and pajama pants for the past month. We didn't have karate or music lessons in January, so we could spend more time with Athena. I left the house four or five times in January, and one of them was the vet appointment.
I watch the chickens a lot. I sit at the window in the library and stare out across our side yard and watch. There are dishes and laundry and schooling, but I don't care.
I've become anal about meal planning. Our budget isn't the greatest right now, so I've actually compared prices on Amazon and the local grocery stores, created spreadsheets, and figured out how much each of our meals cost. Not the healthiest meals, and lots of repeats, but it's getting us through the lean time.
I don't care to be social at all. This is actually somewhat normal for me. I'm an introvert, and really awkward in public settings, but I normally keep quiet, listen in, and can input a pleasantry when needed. Right now I make sure I keep my mouth shut. I am so tired and angry and depressed, my nice filter is gone, and I really don't want to unload crap on some unsuspecting acquaintance or stranger even.
My anxiety medication is being used on a regular basis. I haven't had day in January that my chest hasn't felt like the beginning of a heart attack. Sitting in quiet places, by the fire, or in the dark of my bedroom, help very little right now.
All of the projects that need to happen around the homestead have an Excel sheet tab. I am working on making materials lists and breaking down costs. It's one of those things that keep me busy from thinking to much and spiraling down further.
Why am I writing all of this out? Well, writing does help, but if reading this helps one person understand the inner workings of what depression can look like a little better, then I call this writing successful. I honestly don't know what Luke thinks. I get so lost in my own world, I don't know how he is handling the same issues. I know he wants to help me, but he doesn't know how. He gives me my space though, and helps distract me, which is nice. I don't think the girls have noticed a change. I try to keep it hidden from them.
It's February now, and we are back to lessons and real life and gearing up for girl scout cookies. Maybe all of these distractions will help. Maybe the fog will start to lift.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
--We went to Space Day at The Wilderness Center today. I posted pictures on the Facebook page. The girls had a blast, especially Lilly, since she wants to be a scientist and astronaut. We identified constellations in the observatory, made rockets, moon-walked, took a tour of our solar system, and made star gazing charts. It really is an awesome place to go. I grew up visiting the place, and it's nice that they offer a wide variety of programs, even homeschool ones!
--Winter stinks! I am over it. This is our first full winter in the house (we officially moved in March 2016). We are on a hill, with lots of farm fields around. It's always windy, the windows leak, we don't have enough seasoned firewood to utilize the fireplace as much as we would like, propane gets expensive, and the mud in my hallway at the backdoor is caked to the floor. I can't wait until it warms up, but the mud in the hallway never goes away...
--Our reading goals. So far we haven't done so well. The older two girls have read some of their books, but we have yet to do family reading. Hoping we can get into the swing of things soon.
--Speaking of books, we are suckers for books. The Wilderness Center had a table of books they were selling for a $1 each. Lots of nature and science stuff, thankfully we only spend $9!
--Lowe's Build & Grow. Something we've gone to for the past several years when they have a kid's clinic. Unfortunately their website says that they have enjoyed providing it over the past 10 years, but they have currently stopped them. Home Depot still has theirs, but we've never attended one there, so it's something I will look into. Unfortunately the only one they list is for next Saturday, which is Muggle's Day for Girl Scouts.
--On the subject of Girl Scouts, we just handed in our initial orders for selling cookies. All 4 girls are in scouts this year, so we had a goal of 200 boxes per girl. Initially we sold just a touch over 300, but I ordered the full amount of our goal and we will sell them at cookie booths. It's tricky this way, because we are financially responsible for those cookies since we ordered them and not the troop. I am hoping we sell them all and sell most of them the first weekend of cookie booths at the end of February. We have 515 boxes of cookies to get rid of. We did close to that last year (we only had 3 girls to hit goals, so we did less booths). Honestly though, I'm sick of cookies already, and we don't even have them in hand. The girls want those prizes though, so we'll be standing out in this Ohio weather selling cookies!
--Now that my entire post sounds like a rant I needed to unload, I leave you with Freya. I think she wants one of my hens!!
Friday, January 27, 2017
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Do you ever have one of those weeks (or a whole month) that everything just blows up? I imagine that statistically January is one of the months that this happens the most.
So for my family of six this meal is $4.48 plus the cost of butter, but we do end up with both cheese and bread left over!
*Warning affiliate link. This is the griddle I use. With this I can make 4 sandwiches at a time. Convenient since I have 4 girls! We've had this griddle for at least 5 years, and it's held up between moving, dishwasher abuse, and sometimes sitting in the sink for awhile. Although I think I want to look for something a bit bigger.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
We spent yesterday digging her grave while the girls stayed at my parents. I sat on the front porch in the rocking chair and just held her and cried. Our other dog Apollo is a little lost now. Luke's mother stopped by with a small memorial stone. That woman is always so thoughtful.
The girls cried initially when we buried her. I think it was more they had never seen daddy cry before, and it actually scared them a little. It's hard for them to understand that Athena was our first baby. She was here before any of the girls were.
Today it was 60 degrees out. Freak weather for January in Ohio. We moved a bench to the front yard where she is buried and I spent a lot of time out there crying. I realized I never made anything for lunch, and when I made dinner, I cried the entire time I ate it. She wasn't here for the leftovers. I took out a cornbread muffin for her, and when Luke came to check on me Apollo took it. Even in death they are fighting over food.
I have plans to turn the area around her into a garden for butterflies and fairies. I also love the idea of putting up a little free library, although on our rural road I'm not sure how much action it would see.
It will be a long, slow healing process, but I'm hoping someplace where I can spend sunny days close to her will help.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
It's been about a year since I've blogged, and about 8 months since I last updated the Facebook page. It's time to get back in the swing of things.
We have a lot of projects for this year! Some of them are...
-Cutting down trees for firewood
-Enlarging the chicken coop
-Making a new duck coop
-Making a new rabbit enclosure
-Finish painting some rooms
-Actually having kitchen cabinet doors
-Going through the rest of our boxes from storage
-Creating Athena's garden
Needless to say this year will be busy!